Feeling jealous is pretty natural, but it’s only dragging you down. Jealousy can drive a large wedge between you and your loved one, and can cause you to do regrettable things you wouldn’t otherwise. Curbing these emotions can be difficult, but is often necessary in order to move forward and secure your relationship. This can be as easy as simply distracting yourself, or as serious as tackling the underlying causes of your insecurity.
One of the things few people know about is that jealousy is one of the most dangerous emotions people can experience if not the most dangerous one.
A research has shown that people who get involved in college shooting don’t shoot the ones who used to bully them but instead they used to shoot the ones they were jealous of!!
If a guy was bullied by some people and was really jealous of some others then according to the study he will shoot the group he was jealous of and not the bullies!!
Thankfully college shooting is a rare phenomenon but on the other hand lots of those who experience jealousy will try to harm you in other ways that might not be as obvious as college shooting.
After all if the emotion is strong enough to motivate someone to kill others then certainly it can easily push someone to do something less intense that can still harm you.
If jealousy is that dangerous then it makes a lot of sense to understand where does it come from so that you can be able to spot jealous people easily.
So why do people become jealous?:
- If someone doesn’t care about wrestling then he might not pay any attention to you if you became a wrestling champion but if he cares about finding a good job then there is a big possibility that he will experience jealousy if he saw you landing a good job. So mainly jealousy happens where there is
- Being unsure of his skills: In the Solid Self confidence program i said that If a person was 100% sure that he can do that same thing you did then he will never feel jealous, however, if he had some doubts then he might feel jealous. The intensity of jealousy will depend upon the intensity of these self doubts
- Being in need: If someone needs money the most then he will certainly feel jealous upon finding you financially successful, on the other hand, a rich person might feel jealous of a financially successful person but his jealousy won’t be that intense compared to a person who is really in need of money
How to protect yourself from jealous people
While jealous people might not shoot you still they might do something that harms you and that is not very apparent such as gossiping about you.
In order to protect yourself from jealous people you must:
- Do not appear so brilliant: At least in front of those who are in need the most. If a friend didn’t find a job and is in a bad need for money then you shouldn’t mention your financial success in front of him at all
- Be humble: While people can become jealous of a humble person still the jealousy would be much less intense than if the person was arrogant
- Offer help: Certainly helping someone who is in need will reduce jealousy and in many cases eliminate it. Help people who are in need and you will reduce their jealousy
- Don’t announce intentions, announce achievements: When you announce your intentions people start to feel jealous even though you did nothing yet, at this point they might be able to harm you. That’s why its much wiser to announce things after you complete them so that it becomes too late for someone to stop you.
How to Stop being Jealous
Identify the situation that’s triggering your feelings of jealousy. You may feel jealous when:
- The guy or girl you like is hanging out with other people, leaving you feeling neglected.
- Your best friend seems to prefer spending time with other people.
- One of your parents starts spending time with a new partner.
- One of your kids seems to prefer being with the other parent instead of with you.
- Someone else gets the recognition that you deserve at work or gets credit for something that you did in a school club
Build your self-confidence. Jealousy is usually a by-product of insecurity and low self-worth. You may have fears of being abandoned or rejected by someone close to you. Or, you could be pouring your whole identity into just one obsession or passion, so that when it doesn’t go your way, the loss of control or unwanted outcome really shakes your confidence.
- The best way to build your self-esteem is to act the way that a confident person would act. Make decisions as though you have all of the confidence in the world. Eventually, your feelings will catch up with your actions.
- When confident people get abandoned or ridiculed, it doesn’t break them. They know that people are short-sighted sometimes, and they don’t blame themselves.
- You are good enough. Even if you’ve messed up, you just need to look at it as a chance to learn something new. That’s what confident people do best. Nothing stops them.
Avoid comparing yourself to other people. Make friends with someone who you think has it all, and you’ll discover that even this person has his or her own hidden struggles.
- Even famous and beautiful celebrities have struggles that you can’t see. They may get passed over for movie roles that they want, they may lose a big game or they may struggle with drugs and alcohol. Just because someone looks great on the outside doesn’t mean that things are going great on the inside.
- Instead of focusing on your shortcomings, think about the positive qualities, skills and character traits that you bring to the table. It all goes back to becoming more confident. You have so many great qualities and physical attributes that no one can take away from you.
Do the opposite of what a jealous person would do. When you feel jealousy taking over, don’t react in a destructive way by making accusations, giving someone the silent treatment or dropping little sarcastic hints. Instead, try to do what a trusting person would do in your place.
- If a friend is going to spend time with someone else, for example, recommend a good movie or restaurant.
- If the guy or girl you like is talking to someone else, join the conversation in a friendly way.
- When someone else gets the job that you want, be nice instead of being sneaky or trying to undermine the other person. Instead, congratulate the person and offer to help them be successful.
Be trusting. This is a lot easier said than done. If you get jealous easily, you’ve probably had your trust broken in the past. You have to stop thinking about the past and put yourself in the present. Look at the person who’s making you jealous. Has this person ever given you a reason not to trust him/her?
- If the person has never disappointed you, then you need to assume the best about the person, not the worst. A good friend will try to support your lack of trust, but only for so long. You’re probably transferring your own fears about someone else onto a perfectly good person. And trust is a risk. You have to accept the risk of being wrong to get the benefits that come with trust when you’re right.
- If someone repeatedly hurts you, then you have to steer clear of the relationship. In this case, you have a really good reason not to trust the person. Move on! You deserve better.
Listen to your feelings without blowing things out of proportion. Your feelings are telling you something valuable. If you’re feeling jealous, your emotions are telling you that something is happening that you don’t like. They may or may not be accurate (you’ll learn to assess this by being open to exploring the feelings) but sometimes, your gut reaction is warning you that there is something you need to be observant about.
Develop an optimistic view of people. Ultimately, jealousy is a fear-based behavior. You’re spending a lot of time worrying about something bad that hasn’t happened yet, and might not happen at all. Unfortunately, you’re creating a situation where bad things could happen because of all of your negative feelings. Ironic, isn’t it? It’s called a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” If you believe in someone, believe in them completely. Good people deserve the benefit of the doubt.